Red Bull Helter Skelter
We had made a unanimous decision to leave the Monarch behind. It was his fat bike and fat ass that were too fat for the poor Bluebird. Mental note: Four people and four downhill bikes and a weekends worth of kit don't fit into a Nissan Bluebird. Luckily for Pete, he has the nicest housemate in the whole world (thank you Ad, big hugs and kisses to you xxx) so we went to Scotland in a massive Vauxhall Frontera instead.
Somehow we had been invited to race in the Red Bull Helter Skelter at Peebles. This was a promotional four-up downhill race to 'open' the Project Downhill centre at Innerleithen near Edinburgh. The other 30 riders were the likes of Steve Peat, Nigel Page, Will Longden etc, and there were TV cameras too, some guy from Brookside and Rob Warner. And us.
The drive up was very boring except for the bit when Pete went over a hump too fast and we all went 'wooooo'. The Frontera was disinfected by some MAFTA officials too, that was fun. Shally and I spent Friday night in a very hospitable B&B while Tom and Pete stayed with a mate of Tom's in a very smart part of Edinburgh. Like you needed to know any of that.
When we arrived at the race on Saturday morning we realised that we didn't have chance. Everybody else there was in their team van or cruising about in their team race gear on their factory bike. We weren't, and Shally had lost part of his bike in the B&B. Hmmm out of our depth? What we did have on our side though were free cans of Red Bull. I drank seven and hoped it would improve my body and mind enough to win. It didn't; instead I had a sore tummy. We climbed aboard the uplift van with Steve Peat and the Atherton brothers, kept quiet and tried to look pro. We were going to take a whooping!
The course was damned good, one of the best I have ever ridden. It was very fast, had tight bits and open bits and had LOTS of jumps. It was fairly wide all the way down to allow four people to race on it at the same time, well, I guess that was the idea except it wasn't really wide enough as we were to find out. Putrid sentence. Anyway, fun course, everyone loved it.
We all did a seeding run to determine the first heats. Monarch puncherd, but still managed to qualify. Steve beat us all by 30 seconds. Well done him. What it meant was that slow people (us) raced fast people (Steve) in the first round so that fast people could go through to the final and we would have to go home. It turned out a few other punters had been roped into the race to act as cannon fodder too, so none of us actually came last in the qualifying run so we didn't have to race the really fast guys, not that it made a blind bit of difference. Another awful sentence, sorry.
Racing four up on a downhill track is very, very scary. I was scared. But it was also brilliant fun tearing through the woods elbow to elbow with some of the countries best riders. With the subsequent rounds being held on Sunday we made a group decision NOT to try and qualify since we wanted to get pissed in Edinburgh that night and not have to worry about racing the next day. So we didn't qualify. Shally came 4th in his heat with Jonny Cheatham and Shaun 'Snipe' Wilson going through. Tom came 4th too in his heat, "Gee Atherton just disappeared when the gate dropped, I dunno where he went, but wherever it was he went there very fast." Fair enough. I came 3rd in my heat because some old guy fell off more than me. Monarch also came 3rd, "it was like the semi-final at the Cheddar Challenge in 1996. I got the gate but my tyre pressure was wrong and the other two guys managed to pass me, just." Whatever.
Then we lured children into our gingerbread house in the secret forest. No we didn't, we went back to Edinburgh and got pissed. It was about ten thirty pm when Shally I am realised we hadn't booked another B&B for the night and in half an hour we would have no place to go but a cold city. Edinburgh is beautiful, but no place to be outside after dark in November. So while Tom and Pete relaxed knowing they had somewhere warm and nice to stay, Shally and I set off into the night looking for somewhere to sleep. To be honest, sleep was the last thing on our mind (please keep reading) due the ridiculous amounts of Red Bull drunk earlier. I couldn't feel my legs, Shally was slowly going blind and we were both jittering like scallywags.
We did manage to find a place to stay though. A girl I know from home was having a house party so we went there. It was a fancy dress party though, and we didn't have any fancy dress. It was also bring-your-own, but it was "National Let's Shut All The Off-Licences In The City Day" so we didn't have any alcohol. We weren't invited to stay the night either. And it was a party for History of Art students, and, err, we're not those either. Oh, and we hadn't washed since our day's riding. Undeterred we arrived and got into the party spirit, or rather: Arrived, stole wine, drank wine, passed out. Luckily when we awoke the next morning they were all still pissed and didn't seem to mind too much that we had blatantly taken advantage of them. We gave them some Red Bull, bought some Vanish from the shop next door so they could clear up the wine stains and then scarped pretty quick. Well done me and Shally!
We got back to Peebles on Sunday afternoon in time for the final and watched Will Longden reclaim his title. Damn, four up racing was good to watch too! I like it lots. We scanked some more Red Bull, got some dodgy directions back to the motorway from a certain red capped individual and headed back South of the border.
And we were on telly too. And in MBUK. Wow. And we had free Red Bull for the Christmas social. We didn't have time to have a free massage though. Damn. Sorry this has been so poorly written, I'll try harder next time.
Cheers to:
Pete for driving all the way there and then all the way back again. It's a very long way and you did very well. Well done Pete for driving.
Ad for lending us HIS CAR!!! He did get to use the Bluebird for a few days though, which was payment enough. We gave him some Red Bull too.
Rob for getting us the entries in the first place, not that he's going to be reading this so I don't really need to thank him here. Oh well.
Netia for 'letting' Shally and me stay in her lovely apartment and drink all the wine. We are very thankful.
http://www.redbullprojectdownhill.co.uk/